my Tuesday Periscope theme. I talked today about being one with ourselves and being one with
God. I talked about a face to face table talk that I had with a local pastor. During the discussion
we talked about how I did not seem to fit into the traditional religious model of the church. I
tried to fit in, I tried to do it just the way they liked it. While doing so I was losing my personalty,
my feeling and my zeal. I tried to lift my hand on cue and say the ritualistic lines and prayers as
asked but the more I did it the more I became dissatisfied with the whole thing. I noticed that
when ever made a ritualistic mistake or did the communion with my heart and expressed my
personality with a contemporary benediction, the people loved it and told me so. But later
inoperable the week there would be general emails not addressed to any particular person, but
my spirit told me, it was in response to my expression of freedom.
I did for as long as I could. I tried to fit in to the template shaped by the ancients of old. I
also did it to prove to myself that I able to submit to religious authority. I was not deliberately
defiant to authority. In fact on the last day I did my religious duties as a congregational pastor, I
had did everything right. I keep the program to within one min. of the projected ending time.
But when I had finished I felt the most unfulfilled. It was then that I realized that I was trying to
fit myself once again into a box that I did not fit in. Then the question became for what? What
was I doing that for? Was it for a chance to get that denominations ordination? was it for ego?
Pride? what? Once I realized that I did not want to be ordained by that denomination that
they had noting I wanted. I was then able to see clearly that It was time for me to move on.
Because I just did not fit the template that they wanted me to fit in. I was faking conformity
but in reality I was not one of them, not a liturgical priest or minister. I am too free and
spontaneous for that. I look the the past for guidance on how I can move today. Not as a strict
guide as to how I am to be or do always and forever. I do not mind learning from the past in a
momentum but to remain in the past as a memorial as though God is not dynamic and can if He
want to expand my consciousness and use a new fresh benediction and start a new liturgy. So I
had to respectfully withdraw myself from my public attempt to fit in to the religious form. I had
to deny the carrot of an position in the denomination that has already judged that I did not
have the gifts that they wanted. So I had to become true to myself and become one with myself
and with God. Today I am free to be me and expresses my spirituality in what ever form fits the